I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
