Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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