Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
