why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
