You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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