Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you would pick up someone in the library
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
