I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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