the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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