she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
