I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
