true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
