Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
