chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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