My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
