my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
