Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
