when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
