Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
