sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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