good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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