yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
