I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
