He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
