Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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