YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
