Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
