Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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