lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
