a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
