Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
