Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
