pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
