How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
