i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
