4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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