I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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