it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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