apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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