There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
