Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
