she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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