chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
third nipple confirmed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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