i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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