allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
