WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she peed on how many people?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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