Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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