He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
