My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
