Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
