Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
