My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
