Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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