I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
